Volvo thinks you're a dumbass

Is there really any way that an intruder can discreetly break into a modern car with a modern security system and wait in the back seat to strangle you? No. The truth is that Volvo can't market this invention the way it is used in real life (e.g. forgetting your baby in the backseat while you get a mani-pedi) because it would imply that people who buy Volvos are jackasses. A couple people have hit on this in the talk around the web too.





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Weekend Pussy Hunt etc.

John Kricfalusi, of Ren and Stimpy fame, went on to make some flash webisodes of "Weekend Pussy Hunt" (starring Cigarettes the Cat) in addition to "The Goddamn George Liquor Program". Incidentally, it looks like there may be new episodes of the latter.

John K. also has a blog called "All Kinds of Stuff" where you can keep up to date with his projects.

This one starts off slow, but there's a couple good gags in the middle, one of which involves a part of the body giving birth (it's not the part you think).

"Weekend Pussy Hunt" #1

Cosplayers in repose

link

Veggie Option blog

I stumbled across "The Veggie Option" today. It's pretty easy being a vegetarian in this city, but we could use a few more spots to hang out...I'm glad this blog is around to get the word out.

Patton Oswalt...

...gave a commencement speech at his old high school.

"First off, I want to thank the teachers and faculty of Broad Run High School for first considering and then inviting me to speak here. It was flattering, I am touched and humbled, and you have made a grave mistake."

Congress passes FISA

If I'm not doing anything illegal I have nothing to fear...right?

link to ACLU press release

(quoted below)

“With one vote, Congress has strengthened the executive branch, weakened the judiciary and rendered itself irrelevant,” said Caroline Fredrickson, Director of the ACLU Washington Legislative Office. “This bill – soon to be law – is a constitutional nightmare. Americans should know that if this legislation is enacted and upheld, what they say on international phone calls or emails is no longer private. The government can listen in without having a specific reason to do so. Our rights as Americans have been curtailed and our privacy can no longer be assumed.”

South Park - World of Warcraft

I know this is late to the party...but it's still a good one.

Replay video | Share video | Watch more videos

My Green Screen Challenge...

...for Colbert Nation. Befittingly titled "Double McNasty". Enjoy.

Drummer nerd break

Terry Bozzio and Chad Wackerman were both drummers in Frank Zappa's band...and they're both insane. I saw Chad play in Detroit with Zappa in '87...I don't remember much about that show due to some chemicals, but the drum solo was somethin else. Terry was in "Missing Persons" with his sister Dale, and after that he did some solo stuff. I've never seen anyone play like him.

Guess What?

There's been a neighborhood kid going around lately telling everyone he farted. This was a couple of weeks ago, the kid is probably about 8 or 9, old enough to know that he is basically screwing with people. Today I was mowing the lawn and he comes up to me.

"Hi"
"Hey"
"Guess what?"
"I know, you farted. That's awesome...congratulations."

He looks at me with a blank stare and then shuffles off on his scooter.

The World According to Monsanto

I'm still not sure if all the genetically modified food is bad for you, but the way that Monsanto runs it's business leads me to believe that they're up to no good. If you have a spare hour or two check it out...

LINK to video.

More local news

Peeping tom hides the evidence...

Pre-fab houses

My latest wish is for a plot of land in the city and put a cheap pre-fab house on it.
The LVL home is pretty sweet, and only $42,000. Here's a link to a flickr slideshow of an open house.




Clever Homes has some cool designs as well, I like the CH5 model with a courtyard and a rooftop garden. Too bad it's $300,000.

Modern Shed has some small simple designs that would make a sweet backyard.

Garth Marenghi's "Darkplace"

"The Twilight Zone" + "General Hospital" x "Police Squad" = Darkplace

Cincinnati gets street view

I was looking at real estate the other day and noticed that Google street view has finally hit Cincinnati!

Japanese game show 3.0

Not sure if it's a game show, really...maybe just an exhibition.

Cincinnata

Here's a couple of links to keep you updated on our region:

Dude sprays women's shoes.

Inventor of the Pringles can is buried in one.

More Italian Spiderman

Episode 1 doesn't disappoint...

Reggie Bannister vs. Powers Booth

I recently watched "Phantasm" the other day, and was shocked and dismayed to learn that Powers Booth was not in it.  Ever since hight school,  I took it for granted that it was he who played "Reggie" in the first two movies...but in fact it was "Reggie Bannister".  C'mon, you see it right?

Foot in mouth?

I was at Barnes and Noble the other day looking at magazines and killing time with my friends Rich and Laura.

Me - Hey check it out. There's a magazine called "I'm Pregnant!" I made a point of saying "exclamation point" after the title too...

We had a good chuckle, I asked if he would like a subscription for his birthday etc..

Then after the laughter subsides, a pregnant lady that was sitting and reading on the bench in front of me quietly stands up, goes to the magazine rack, and returns the very same magazine.

Oh well, it's not like I said anything really bad...which is surprising to say the least.

Chicago Restaurant roundup

I was in Chicago recently and here is my take on a few eateries:

Frontera Grill
-simply awesome...an explosion of flavor, margaritas are exceptional, although I could do without the lady who had the coughing fit...

Milk and Honey
-not bad French toast...mine is better

Star of Siam
-pedestrian, uninspired, I'll give it my lowest rating ever, 7 thumbs up.

Lou Manalti's
-apparently this is the "real Chicago deep dish"...it's pretty good, probably great loaded with sausage and pepperoni

Tempo Cafe
-not much to say about this one...just basic breakfast fare

The Map Room
- great beer drinker's bar with plenty of beards and Belgian brews...I had the Delirium Tremens followed by the Capital porter

HOLY FUCK

...is playing at the Gypsy Hut tonight. I should get off my ass and see them, even though my acid days are over.

Martin Circus (?)

If you can make it through the "Carousel sequence from Logan's Run" you'll be rewarded with some oversized fuzzy slippers, velvet jumpsuits, and a dude with daisy dukes. Oh, and an awesome groove. Thanks, Nate.

People are funny when mad

A friend of mine described a run-in with an irate customer at the car wash he used to work at.

The guy was so upset that he uttered a couple of hilarious phrases:

• 1  "I'm gonna beat your ass in sandals." 

• 2  "I'm gonna punch you in the optics."

If someone said those things to me, I would have been like..."Uh, can we hang out sometime?"

Breadmaker

I had a sickening dream last night about visiting a vegan family.

At one point, the father asks "Who wants to squeeze one out?" Then his young son appears in the living room and starts straining like he's gonnna take a shit. He can't do it.
"Always a trickle from him!" says the father.
So his daughter comes out next and proceeds to strain and low and behold these giant plastic bags of bread come out her ass! Turns out they're so vegan that they figured out a way to use the heat of the body to bake bread internally, and then shit out perfectly formed loaves.
"If you slice the bread completely through the bag, you probably won't get hepatitis."

That's the last time I mix Dewey's pizza with beer and scotch...

Kenny Chesney 2007

Here is a smackerel of some tour graphics we did last year. This was from Kenny's opening show in lovely Omaha.

Tim and Eric - Encounters

Dumb/hilarious jokes

Metafilter has a thread about surprisingly short jokes. Megosteve has got my number...

No Respect

Here's a snippet of a conversation between my brother-in-law and a co-worker:

Co-worker:  "...I work at this place called Lightborne"

Brother-in-law:  "...oh yeah, my brother-in-law works at Lightborne too"

Co-worker:  "Really?  What's his name?"

Brother-in-law:  "I don't know."

 

So through a description of my person by the co-worker, my brother-in-law learned my name.

Ok, it's not like I just recently married his sister (it will be 13 years this June). It's not like she's his half-sister or step-sister or something. They are blood relatives. He was around when I was dating her back in '93. He was at the wedding. He put a crown in my mouth last year. How is this possible? 

Robot, get up.

It seems the scientists have taken away our final defense against the robots...pushing them over.

Italian Spiderman

This thing doesn't let up for a second. Hilarious.

Come hither desktop

download

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I've seen the future...

...and it looks a lot like "Logan's Run"...only in Columbia.

•link to slideshow•


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Absolut Tim and Eric

Supposedly, Absolut vodka hired Zach Galifianakis to do some spots and here's one of 'em...

Arghhh!!

Thanks, Jeremiah.

J and H Productions

My friend Ralph tipped me off to this phenomenon. Apparently this guy is announcing the startup of a production company with this audio manifesto, which I've been listening to for about 5 minutes and still have no idea what he's talking about.

Here's his MYSPACE PAGE with the stilted rant.

**UPDATE** I didn't watch that movie on there, which points out that whoever made this page is obviously not the guy who made the tape...still funny anyway.

My old SEGA

I was at my brother-in-law's house for easter today, and my nephew and I found the PGA Tour III game I used to have. Top 3 saved golfer names:

1) Dr. Roast
2) oooooo
3) BUTT^Steak (who had the course record of 63 at TPC Sawgrass)

Also, the top three airline names from our Aerobiz game, which would go on for months...

1) StuAir
2) AirLog
3) SkyAss

41 Hilarious Science Fair Experiments

41 Hilarious Science Fair Experiments

I found this through presurfer...

photobasement seems nice...

How To Throw Your Voice

Years ago I found this weird mp3 from Sharpeworld.com (now on permanent hiatus it seems) of some hillbilly instruction on how to throw your voice. I consider this to be one of the major highlights of my surfing career, and you would be wise to download it and listen intently. This is way too good not to share with everyone...please spread the magic.
Some details: it's very long (about 16 minutes) and gets a little repetitive at times, but you have to listen to the end, preferably with some friends and some beers.

Boomp3.com

How to Throw Your Voice


Here's Jennifer Sharpe's mySpace page. She deserves the credit on this find.

Awesome Burger King commercial

Thanks to Kyle for bringing this awesome Burger King commercial to my attention.

Bigfoot and Wildboy

This show opener is exciting, but I bet you couldn't watch an episode without crying from boredom.

How to spend yer $600.

Bert and Ernie death

I sort of remember this segment on Sesame Street.



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Cloverfield sucks

So I've been thinking about the movie Cloverfield recently and why it didn't work. I'm comparing it to the Blair Witch Project (BWP), because both movies were supposedly "artifacts" that were found and then shown to us without editing etc.

I liked BWP, mainly because the script kept you in the dark as to what was happening. Yes, we knew that there was a witch, but the teeth in the torn shirt, the screaming in the dark, the bizarre talismans, all contributed to the weirdness, which took the viewer along for the ride. With each new development, we learn a little more about the evil the trio are entering.

With Cloverfield, there is none of that suspense. Once you see the head of the statue of liberty land on the street (which was shown in the very first commercials for the movie) you knew exactly what you were in for. Okay, a monster. And that's all that happens. Various scenes of the monster attacking. Repeatedly. Then it's over. Also, the characters were rich, attractive manhattanites, and I couldn't wait for them to get crushed.

Both movies gave no exposition, no explanation as to how these events happened.* That's okay, but the mystery of BWP draws the viewer deeper, whereas the mystery of Cloverfield is just frustrating. The headache I got from the shakiness in BWP sort of added to the whole experience too, like the movie screwed up my brain, but the headache from Cloverfield was just a headache.

*Before BWP was released, there was an hour-long "documentary" on Sci-fi, which told the story of how this film was recovered,and put it in context with other "historical" documents that shed light into the origin of the witch. I liked this better than the movie!

Shrub as horse thief

A Harper's article which brilliantly illustrates the concept of irony in relation to Bush's presidency.


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All the Hulk transformations

I have no way of knowing if this is true or not, but this guy says he listed all the ways in which David Banner turned into the Hulk.

Bad Movie Night

We had a "bad movie night" screening at my house last night. The standout was "Gymkata". Highly entertaining.

Northwest Ohio Female Barbershop Quartet pics

I'm gonna represent some Ohio pride here and give you a selection of pics from a Northwest Ohio Female Barbershop Quartet contest.

Wipeout x3

I love the trend in wipeout videos to replay the crash over and over, each time slower than the last.

I, for one, am grateful for our...

"The 10 PM curfew for all things made of flesh feels a little restrictive to me."


In The Know: Are We Giving The Robots That Run Our Society Too Much Power?

Ten best music videos of 2007

Ten best music videos of 2007. I'm late...I live in Cincinnati, cut me some slack.

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During the entire year of 2007, I kept referring to it as 2008. I'm so glad that I'm synched up again.

Modern Houses

Sweet photoset
of southern california modern homes.


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80's Consoles

"Consoles I Have Known". I have fond memories of my own Colecovision console, playing hours of Zaxxon, Cosmic Avenger, and Venture.

I'm such a big Lynch fan, that I'm just going to post whatever I find about him.

Sweet animation I've seen the first episode awhile ago, looks like they have another. Click on "watch"

Billboard decapitations.

NY magazine's quotes of the year

Passive aggressive notes

Passive aggressive notes.

Brits on our mortgage troubles

Telling the truth through humor works way better than the truth by itself. Here's an English take on our sub-prime mortage fiasco.

Hangover cures

The Morning News offers a collection of hangover cures.

This car horn is substantially louder than my '88 Mazda 626, which was more like a suggestion of a horn. I don't care for the indiscriminate use, but it would be sweet when someone cuts you off.

David Deutsch lecture

A very interesting talk by physcist David Deutsch about the nature of our existence.

New Bjork video directed by Michel Gondry

I found these somewhere online: retro equipment porn.

The Onion's video news looks so damn professional...that's why it's doubly funny.


Poll: Mitt Romney Is Candidate Most Voters Want To Get Into Bar Fight With

I've been on a music kick lately and here's where I have been hittin paydirt:
Aurgasm... a great new music blog
Stange Music Videos... via Grüpthink
Robosexual... a music blog.
NPR all songs considered...this is the stuff they play between segments.
Soma FM... been listening to Flaresound and Clip-hop a bit.
Pitchfork...music reviews.

If you don't have outrage fatigue yet, listen to this podcast on the status of the coming police state.

The return of Futurama

Great WIRED article about the return of "Futurama".

If we continued our exploration of various pipes and drains in high-school, we may have approached what this guy has documented.

I love Flat Eric

Flat Eric was the shit back in 1999. He's still the shit if you want my opinion.

Mr.Oizo - Flat Beat
Uploaded by hushhush112

Toby Keith shoutout

This is why Family Guy is the best show on TV.

Dosh

Check out these videos by "Dosh". (click view to the left) This guy linked me to them from last.fm. There's some interesting stuff here.

The Laptop Club

The Laptop Club. Children from 7-9 design their own laptop. My favorite is a button labeled "hamster".










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Battle Beasts

I really want to see the video from the voice-over session for this commercial. Including the male singers.

Intelligent Design loses big time

Missing link: “cdesign proponentsists”. I saw this Nova episode last night. All the “cdesign proponentsists” got their comeuppance. Sweet.

We're falling apart

We're falling apart. A NYT editorial on the lack of infrastructure funding.

Cool light/video installation piece.




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The saddest cubicles

Wired magazine's saddest cubicle contest winners.

Automan

Laura Branigan guest stars in an episode of Automan...this was pretty typical entertainment back in the day, if I recall.



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Charles Bronson and Anthony Geary commercials

Charles Bronson selling some cologne called "Mandom"...


...and Anthony Geary selling Member's Only jackets...


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Le Planete Sauvage

Here's a remix of "Le Planete Sauvage", that trippy 70s animated French feature that I first saw in "The Cell".

Apparantly, the Louisville Chamber of Commerce has declared war on Cincinnati. "...a girl with a tattoo on her butt..."? Isn't that pretty much all of 'em now a days?

"Police Squad" Epilogue montage

Best (or worst) Engrish ever

Every six months I come back to this chinese retstaurant menu and see if it's as funny as I remember it.
It is.

The Nietzsche Family Circus

Click here for a random slice of existentialism.

Flexible potato salad

Circus freaks sing about potato salad.




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Totally sweet aquarium landscapes by Kim Keever.

Mrs. America Pageant

So I watched a little of the Mrs. America Pageant last week. Hosted by Alan Thicke and Omarosa in beautiful Tucson, AZ. I liked the parade of home-made state-themed costumes; some ladies didn't put much thought into it, sort of like hobbling together a science project the night before. Here are my top 3 favorite contestant names, in random order:

1) Laura Loveberry
2) Susan Sweat
3) Happy Glorioso

Andrew W.K. quote

I really hate Andrew W.K., but I have remembered, then forgotten, then re-remembered this awesome quote describing his upcoming tour:

"We're gonna just throw down and throw out and throw up. We're gonna cross up and lace it out and take a solid stance from which we can form the foundation of an iron cube with a platinum core and diamond edges that can cut anything in our way, yet maintain a certain amount of strength to hold us steady."

(Ozzfest 2002 , interview with EW)

Found Birthday List

Here's a birthday list that my friend Ben found in Pleasant Ridge. Much like my list from 1982, if you change "Halo 3" to "Super Breakout". Click for hi-res version.

nasty Russian crawdad feast

Some sort of nasty Russian crawdad feast.

List of Army operations in Iraq

Here's the list of Army operations in Iraq . Be sure not to miss "Operation Panther Squeeze" ,"Operation Soda Mountain", or "Operation Grizzly Forced Entry".

David Lynch's cigarette commercial

There's nothing strange about cigarettes....until you let David Lynch direct a commercial for them.

Seventy reasons why Lee Mercer is running for President.
Here 's a few to get you going:

"11. To prove the United States of America has two Presidents and I am one of them Jurisdiction in Eye Spy Community-Military Intelligence (All Three) Government # 1 in Business and Commerce Intelligence National and International."

"22. To prove every person in the United States of America knows me and everybody in the International World knows me too in Business and Commerce intelligence National and International."

"23. To Prove I have solved every crime in the world as it happens from zero to start to finish for every crime done in Business and Commerce Intelligence National and International."

Home Shopping Network flub

Home shopping guy needs eyeglasses.

Tiny dude plays regular flying v, or regular dude plays giant flying v.



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"Snack Attack"...heh.