I had a sickening dream last night about visiting a vegan family.
At one point, the father asks "Who wants to squeeze one out?" Then his young son appears in the living room and starts straining like he's gonnna take a shit. He can't do it.
"Always a trickle from him!" says the father.
So his daughter comes out next and proceeds to strain and low and behold these giant plastic bags of bread come out her ass! Turns out they're so vegan that they figured out a way to use the heat of the body to bake bread internally, and then shit out perfectly formed loaves.
"If you slice the bread completely through the bag, you probably won't get hepatitis."
That's the last time I mix Dewey's pizza with beer and scotch...
4.27.2008
4.23.2008
Kenny Chesney 2007
4.21.2008
4.17.2008
No Respect
Here's a snippet of a conversation between my brother-in-law and a co-worker:
Co-worker: "...I work at this place called Lightborne"
Brother-in-law: "...oh yeah, my brother-in-law works at Lightborne too"
Co-worker: "Really? What's his name?"
Brother-in-law: "I don't know."
So through a description of my person by the co-worker, my brother-in-law learned my name.
Ok, it's not like I just recently married his sister (it will be 13 years this June). It's not like she's his half-sister or step-sister or something. They are blood relatives. He was around when I was dating her back in '93. He was at the wedding. He put a crown in my mouth last year. How is this possible?
4.09.2008
4.01.2008
3.28.2008
3.27.2008
J and H Productions
My friend Ralph tipped me off to this phenomenon. Apparently this guy is announcing the startup of a production company with this audio manifesto, which I've been listening to for about 5 minutes and still have no idea what he's talking about.
Here's his MYSPACE PAGE with the stilted rant.
**UPDATE** I didn't watch that movie on there, which points out that whoever made this page is obviously not the guy who made the tape...still funny anyway.
Here's his MYSPACE PAGE with the stilted rant.
**UPDATE** I didn't watch that movie on there, which points out that whoever made this page is obviously not the guy who made the tape...still funny anyway.
3.23.2008
My old SEGA
I was at my brother-in-law's house for easter today, and my nephew and I found the PGA Tour III game I used to have. Top 3 saved golfer names:
1) Dr. Roast
2) oooooo
3) BUTT^Steak (who had the course record of 63 at TPC Sawgrass)
Also, the top three airline names from our Aerobiz game, which would go on for months...
1) StuAir
2) AirLog
3) SkyAss
2.25.2008
2.24.2008
How To Throw Your Voice
Years ago I found this weird mp3 from Sharpeworld.com (now on permanent hiatus it seems) of some hillbilly instruction on how to throw your voice. I consider this to be one of the major highlights of my surfing career, and you would be wise to download it and listen intently. This is way too good not to share with everyone...please spread the magic.
Some details: it's very long (about 16 minutes) and gets a little repetitive at times, but you have to listen to the end, preferably with some friends and some beers.
Boomp3.com
How to Throw Your Voice
Here's Jennifer Sharpe's mySpace page. She deserves the credit on this find.
Some details: it's very long (about 16 minutes) and gets a little repetitive at times, but you have to listen to the end, preferably with some friends and some beers.
Boomp3.com
How to Throw Your Voice
Here's Jennifer Sharpe's mySpace page. She deserves the credit on this find.
2.21.2008
2.19.2008
2.11.2008
2.08.2008
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